It’s odd sometimes how much can change in year…maybe it shouldn’t be. It’s also odd the things that don’t change. I’m still me, and I still cart myself around everywhere I go….I seem to not be able to get completely rid of myself, even by traveling 6000 miles away…this is one of the lessons I have learned (again; I remember learning it for the first time when I moved to Indiana several years ago): that no matter where you go, or how much you learn, or whoever you’re with, or whatever you see, you still bring yourself along–complete with your failures, blind spots, sins, etc.
But that’s not what I started this blog post about.
This is about my grandpa. A year ago he was still alive.
A year ago I carried him from their house into the car and my grandma and I took him to the hospital, where he stayed for a few days until coming to my parents’ house.
Later that week, by the time Thanksgiving came, he was too weak to sit and he lay on the couch in the living room while we ate a short distance away at the table.
It hurt to eat too much watching him, and when I finished, I went over and sat beside him for a bit to visit with him.
We talked about various little things; we talked about the trips they had taken me on, like the one to North Dakota when I was 13. It was a memorable trip and so much fun. But he was not able to talk very long before needing to rest, so I left.
It was a good last visit, but so hard in so many ways. I remembered Grandpa running around with me, and I could remember him chopping wood and running chainsaws with the best of them. And here he was now, lying on the couch and too weak to visit for more than a few minutes.
Today a year ago was the last time I talked to him; although I stopped by a couple times in the next several days, he was always asleep.
A little over a week later, I came over after church and was there when he died in the spare bedroom in my parents’ house; it used to be my bedroom.
I am so thankful I had my grandpa for so many years, and though there were times I was frustrated with him, the passing of days has a way of mellowing those.
It was months before I finally realized I did not have a grandpa anymore, and today it seems like I miss him more now than I did right after he died.
I miss you, Grandpa, and I look forward to seeing you again someday.