You Have a What???

“A cold, mommy.”

Well, for all you know, that IS how it started. Little Johnny Junior comes home one day from school (or if he was homeschooled, he comes out of the dining room) with a nose that is emitting large quantities of disgusting off-colored goopy stuff, and bit of a sore throat.

Little Johnny Junior didn’t know how else to say it, and so that’s how the common, ordinary, every-day cold got its name.

So, people have colds. That much is certain. And not even because they’re necessarily cold; that’s just what it is called. A cold. And a cold is called a cold because it’s cold. Anyway….

One of those that I just described for you? Yeah, I have one of those. A cold.

And I’ve been wondering, why don’t they call them “hots”?

Little Susie Junioretta comes home one day from school and her forehead is as red and bilious as all get out, Mother kisses her forehead and says, “Dearie, you have a hot! You had better get to bed right away.”

Well, logically, that is what she SHOULD say. But instead, she says, “Dearie, your temperature is way up there! You must have a fever. Now get to bed.”

I mean, haven’t you ever wondered why a common ordinary, annoying cold got stuck with a common, ordinary annoying name like a cold, while something just as annoying and ordinary gets a fancy, exotic, dangerous sounding name like “fever”?

Oh, and I have a coff, too. A very deep one. It’s probably pre-tuberculosis, or pneumonia or something also rather exotic and fancy sounding. And don’t get on me for not spelling it “correctly”; you all know what I meant by “coff”.

Likely Fransqueaux de Monseiutfyghteaouix invented the word “cough”. And originally it went something like “kcaouphffauex” and sounded like you would sound if you had a cold and were trying to say something like that, with a plugged up nose and all the amenities that come with such.

Any good ideas for what to call a cold? We have to come up with something fancier than the name “fever”, which is really just a plain old hot trying to look like a 20’s flapper.

1 thought on “You Have a What???

  1. Sorry we have no suggestions for a better name for said disease. Thank you for letting us see your excellent writing! Love, G & G

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